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No. Breakfast Folly


Breakfast Folly By CpSingleton © 2016

Verity Specialprice-Luckman was in need of a lover. The thirteenth husband had begun to bore her. 

Three weeks was more than enough time to become irritated by his excessive breathing in and then out again. 

She could have him “removed”, of course, as she had done with the others, but the local constabulary were becoming officiously suspicious and the back garden was turning into a mess.

So, she would just have to attract another lover.

But to whom should she turn.

It couldn’t be anyone within her circle of friends, because, astoundingly, she didn’t have a circle of friends.

She had acquaintances: passing shadows who mumbled their names and then buzzed off into the far reaches of whatever room she owned, but nobody who peaked her attention.

She picked up the morning paper. Maybe there was a suitable candidate within its inky pages.

Only bores and hoodlums appeared from the first forty sheets she skipped with noisy irritation.

Then it was that she stopped at a page with the picture of a gypsy lady growling up at her, alongside the heading: HOROSCOPES.

“How singularly silly,” she mused as she Indulged whimsy to look for her date of birth and corresponding daily advice.

There it was, underneath Scorpio, a paragraph which read:

You are a monster of energy today! It is time for you to take a higher place in the universe. You think you want other things, but I suspect your heart is not in it. Your lucky number is 52 and your lucky colour is black.

Verity huffed at the last line. She had always believed her lucky number was thirteen. It was the reason why she had married that intolerable breather, Markus Luckman. Fifty-two was such a silly number, until she realised it was her present age. 

“How peculiar,” she told the empty room, before an annoying pain shot up her left arm and across her chest.

She keeled over, spilling hot tea on to her pure white lace table cloth, and died before she could curse her clumsiness.

Markus Luckman went on to breathe a very content and well rounded life, cultivating pork pies for the royal houses of Europe. And even found happiness in a young lady of jolly stock. He didn’t read horoscopes. He was on the cusp of three signs, so could never decide which to choose.

 The garden went on to sprout human trees. This drew suspicious looks from all but Allan Titchmarsh. Despite his limp, soft appearance, he was partial to a dead body or two.

The world turned. The sun burned. I…well, I don’t matter do I, so mind your own bloody business.

Oh, if you must know I’m a criminal in jail for crisp rustling. I get bored of men wanting to womanise my “sweet cheeks” and the bile for food, so I scribble stories. This was one. Or is it two?

Got to go, Big Maurice is on the prowl. 

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About Chris42

I am a liar! A maker-uper of stories! If this was the 16 (c) I'd be burned as a witch. Fank goodness it is not, eh?! I have four children: two wonderful girls, a fantastic lad and Leeds United. I have no strict genre. I write children's poetry and stories, to edgy, stronger themes. Up until now I have stored them for my own and my family's viewing. Last year i thought bugger it and starred in several short films. One, Playground, which is on the BBC Film Network, used the monologue that I wrote for the audition. You should've seen the face of the receptionist, of the Manchester hotel, where the audition was being held, as I turned up dressed as the psychopath, Gordon. It got the desired effect! I then moved up to Cumbria and wrote and appeared in several live performances on stage. 2012. A local artist, Kayleigh Richardson, commissioned me to write a poem for her to paint a representation. I sent her, The Rise of the Robot Monkey Army. Kayleigh painted a fantastic piece that blew my mind! From that we are collaborating on the Jacob Bear series of stories. Oh and Two's Company is to published, along with seventeen other Sci Fi short stories as part of a collection. Not a bad start to the, so called, last year of the Earth. Now is the time to show the rest of you. I take my themes wherever i see them, whether in reality or dream-world. I hope you enjoy. If not tell me why. If so tell me why. Many thanks and be safe. So far I have published: Jacob Bear's first Christmas,https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007GK872A (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007GK872A (USA) Jacob Bear Goes to School https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007JD3OKY (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JD3OKY (USA Jacob's First Words https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007VZWPSC (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VZWPSC (USA) Space Here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007H96M90 (UK) &http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007H96M90#reader_B007H96M90 The Rise of the Sponge Cake Moon https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007WWZ16M (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007WWZ16M (USA) © Madstoffa, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Discussion

9 thoughts on “No. Breakfast Folly

  1. Love this, damn you’re so clever! Ha-ha! My only recommendation for her would have been bone meal for the garden and meat pies for the neighbors. This in turn would have kept the back garden nice and tidy. Ah, she had no real friends, no Facebook? Clever, clever bit here. “You are a monster of energy today!…and your lucky colour is black.” Maybe she would have made the connection if it had it read, HORRORSCOPES.

    Terrific tale! The ending so wonderfully twisted! ~ Mia

    Posted by Copper Cranes | April 24, 2016, 5:21 pm
    • I’m wearing a massive grin. Fanks!
      With no friends she wouldn’t have been able to sell the pies.
      But, between you and me, there’s more to Marcus than I’m letting on.
      Really pleased you enjoyed it!
      It came from an idea I had after a conversation with a loony abroad.
      So Fanks right back.

      Posted by cpsingleton42 | April 24, 2016, 5:34 pm
      • Oh, I must have neglected to mention the pies were to be given away! I love it, while reading thinking this is familiar, wait, *click* the sound of the light bulb going on, ha-ha! Being a loon is a good thing, that’s what you tell another loon! You’re welcome and thank you! Very fun, very fun!

        Posted by Copper Cranes | April 24, 2016, 5:39 pm
      • Being a loon is a good thing!
        We should make serum to create a world full of us all!

        Posted by cpsingleton42 | April 24, 2016, 5:43 pm
  2. Lucky for you I have a degree in Biochemical Engineering, easy enough to whip up something in the lab!

    Posted by Copper Cranes | April 24, 2016, 8:38 pm
  3. then whip away good woman…I mean man!!!

    Posted by cpsingleton42 | April 24, 2016, 9:37 pm
  4. OK. Great poem. But, I call BS on the picture. You don’t watch TWD therefore I must demand you take that photo down. Or as one of the walking dead I will bite you. Don’t make me tell you again. Love, Zombie Tosh

    Posted by Tosha Michelle | April 25, 2016, 1:21 am

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© C.p.Singleton, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Don't make me have to take the shirt off your whipped back if you break the rules! I will you know! Us writing folk work hard to make rubbish up for you to enjoy, so don't abuse or you lose! Tha's right!

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