I am not. I’m so annoyed at myself today. And embarrassed to the core about yesterday.
There you were, in our final days, trying your best to smile, even though the pain must have been unbearable, and I’m constantly moaning at you with this diary.
I read back all my days since starting this and am deeply ashamed. So deeply ashamed of myself.
I will try my best to show you that I can get by, love, but it’s difficult when I only had you and now you’re gone. I just don’t know what to say to anyone else, you know?
I put the bin out today and the young man from two doors down with the baby asked if I needed anything. That was very kind of him, wasn’t it? But all I need is you.
If I could end it all and be with you I would, Mol, but I know you would hit the roof.
Maybe I need a holiday. I can’t think where I want to go, though.
I did laugh today. That’s a start, eh, love?
I was watching The Chase and that Bradley Walsh fellow couldn’t stop laughing at a silly question. It made me giggle too. Then I looked to see if you were laughing and you weren’t there.
Damn! There I go again.
Come see me one more time, love. Please.
Come down and tell me what a silly old fool I’m being.
I best have a tidy around the house tomorrow. June’s coming in the afternoon and you know how she’ll nag if she sees a speck of dust out of place.
Lots of love to you, Mol,