January 22nd and 23rd
Afternoon, my lovely Mol,
I’m sorry I didn’t write to you yesterday and will probably write twice today, but I really haven’t been with it.
Dr. Laurie’s son, Dr. Laurie, came yesterday to visit and, after much persuading on his part, give me a pill to relax me.
For some reason he thought I was wound tight. Between you, me and the back wall, I was, but there has to be better ways to deal with problems than the pills he prescribed for me!
I was completely zonked, love. Like you said you felt when they gave you that morphine. Except that I didn’t see spiders or anything.
I was like a zombie.
It wasn’t at all nice.
I just lay, when he left, on the couch, drifting in and out of a blurry, dreamless sleep.
I really didn’t like it, Mol.
Worst of all I couldn’t write to you before bedtime.
He, Dr.Laurie, has left me more of them, but I don’t think I’ll be taking them if it means not saying goodnight to you.
My problem is when I try and go out and have those scary, panicky moments, but I’ll never face them if I’m zombified, will I love?
I must admit to not feeling as teary today. I still miss you dreadfully though.
No pill is going to take that away. Ever.
Anyway, how are you?
I did have one strange thought whilst feeling zonked. I wondered if I left a pen out and this diary open that you would leave a few words one day. Is that silly? Maybe you could give it a go, love.
Anyway, I’m going to try and go out again today. I’m going mad within these four walls.
Still haven’t heard from Kevin. I do hope he’s well.
As I do hope you are well up there.
I will speak to you later.
Love you and miss you very much, Mol.