Grandad’s Idioms. By CpSingleton © 2016
My Grandad Huntstable was the most paradoxically wise man I have ever known.
In between looking like a floppy, wrinkled doll, spouting drunken nonsense at doors and his old tv, he would holler little nuggets of golden wisdom.
Again, they usually seemed to be aimed at the television, though, somehow, I got the impression that they were really being shot in my direction.
One such occasion was when I was visiting and talking to Grandma on the sofa about applying to University.
‘But, Gran,’ I began, turning the bun she’d given me around and around. ‘What if I’m not good enough for Oxford? The people who go there are..’
‘If ifs and buts were paper cuts,’ Grandad chimed from his battered chair.. ‘You’d chop your chuffing head off.’
He then went on to tell us about penguins and caramel slices, but I got the picture.