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short story, silliness

No. 3214


Mary’s Story, by CpSingleton © 2016

Mary had a little lamb. It was given to her by her father, Farmer Wigglesworth, for her fortieth birthday.

She was overjoyed, as the local menfolk thought she was pig ugly and stayed as far away from her as humanly possible.

The lamb, also shocked by her horrific appearance, attempted several times to escape her grubby, Cumberland sausage fingers, but failed every single sorry time.

It yearned for its own death every night.

Obviously, it didn’t happen.

Then one night, as Mary snored like a bison giving birth to a bull elephant, the lamb was visited by Stinkerbell the fairy.

She asked the dear lamb, in its own rubber tongue, if it would like a wish.

The lamb cried with relief and said that it most definitely would like one wish whatever the cost.

‘I must tell you about the terms and conditions, likkle lamb…’ Stinkerbell began, producing a very thick contract.

‘I really don’t need to,’ the lamb bleated. ‘I don’t care what price I have to pay, I just want away from her!’

‘Even if it results in you and all your future kin becoming as thick as shit?’

‘Even that! Give me the wish, pleeeease!’

Stinkerbell bowed from her potbelly and shrugged.

‘Your call,’ she said and waved her wand delicately in concentric circles. ‘I hereby gift you one wish!’

‘Thank you!’ The lamb cried with relief. ‘Thank you! I wish to be old enough to leave this woman’s filthy clutches!’

Immediately the lamb grew into a not so cute sheep. For every inch it fattened its brain size deteriorated and its will to flourish wilted, until it became scared of its own shadow. Well, it would’ve been scared of its own shadow if in fact it knew what a shadow was.

By the time it was fully grown it didn’t even know how it had become the odd, skittish way it had.

It ran around the cave it shared with Mary in fright, cracked its head off the grey hard stuff all around and then jumped on to the campfire for warm safekeeping.

Mary, a very heavy sleeper, slept through the shrieking and the crackling of fatty flesh and fleece and then awoke to a good barbecued lamb brekkie.

It was the last time her father gave her a pet lamb, so Mary crushed his skull, blamed a wolf and claimed the inheritance.

She lived happily, if somewhat unloved, ever after.

The end.

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About Chris42

I am a liar! A maker-uper of stories! If this was the 16 (c) I'd be burned as a witch. Fank goodness it is not, eh?! I have four children: two wonderful girls, a fantastic lad and Leeds United. I have no strict genre. I write children's poetry and stories, to edgy, stronger themes. Up until now I have stored them for my own and my family's viewing. Last year i thought bugger it and starred in several short films. One, Playground, which is on the BBC Film Network, used the monologue that I wrote for the audition. You should've seen the face of the receptionist, of the Manchester hotel, where the audition was being held, as I turned up dressed as the psychopath, Gordon. It got the desired effect! I then moved up to Cumbria and wrote and appeared in several live performances on stage. 2012. A local artist, Kayleigh Richardson, commissioned me to write a poem for her to paint a representation. I sent her, The Rise of the Robot Monkey Army. Kayleigh painted a fantastic piece that blew my mind! From that we are collaborating on the Jacob Bear series of stories. Oh and Two's Company is to published, along with seventeen other Sci Fi short stories as part of a collection. Not a bad start to the, so called, last year of the Earth. Now is the time to show the rest of you. I take my themes wherever i see them, whether in reality or dream-world. I hope you enjoy. If not tell me why. If so tell me why. Many thanks and be safe. So far I have published: Jacob Bear's first Christmas,https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007GK872A (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007GK872A (USA) Jacob Bear Goes to School https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007JD3OKY (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JD3OKY (USA Jacob's First Words https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007VZWPSC (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VZWPSC (USA) Space Here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007H96M90 (UK) &http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007H96M90#reader_B007H96M90 The Rise of the Sponge Cake Moon https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007WWZ16M (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007WWZ16M (USA) © Madstoffa, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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© C.p.Singleton, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Don't make me have to take the shirt off your whipped back if you break the rules! I will you know! Us writing folk work hard to make rubbish up for you to enjoy, so don't abuse or you lose! Tha's right!

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