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Short no. Ahem.

Ahem. By CpSingleton © 2016

I want you all to picture the scene:

It was early. So early that even the roosters offered a cranky middle finger to chilly lady dawn.

In drab, decrepit Keighley town, the father waves his teenaged children on to the homebound bus after a fun, but hectic weekend visit and then gets caught short.

He’s not normally one for public loos, but desperation can make god-fearers of us all.

Two minutes later, pants around ankles, relief draws the father into a drifting land of comfort and snores.

Fluffy, warm dreams of singing ice-creams and rabbits playing banjos bounce and scurry in his mind. Floating mice and all things…

The sound of a lady saying: ‘Ahem,’ brings his eyes open. ‘Helloooo?’ She adds just as his heavy eyes droop once more.

He frowns as he hears her tip-tap heels scamper out; stage left.

Father wonders why a woman would enter a male loo, until…

‘Ahem,’ a different female onomatopoeic. ‘Is there a man in here?’

‘I’m sure he’s in that cubicle,’ the nervous first lady hissed. ‘I heard him snore.’

Realisation belts the father full in the face and the lack of eau-de-urine should’ve been a pleasant give away: he’s in the wrong toilet!

There was only one thing to do. 

He wipes and pulls up trow, before confidently announcing: ‘Morning!’ as he strides past the ladies with a brazen grin; thanking the sky that he didn’t know either of them.


About Chris42

I am a liar! A maker-uper of stories! If this was the 16 (c) I'd be burned as a witch. Fank goodness it is not, eh?! I have four children: two wonderful girls, a fantastic lad and Leeds United. I have no strict genre. I write children's poetry and stories, to edgy, stronger themes. Up until now I have stored them for my own and my family's viewing. Last year i thought bugger it and starred in several short films. One, Playground, which is on the BBC Film Network, used the monologue that I wrote for the audition. You should've seen the face of the receptionist, of the Manchester hotel, where the audition was being held, as I turned up dressed as the psychopath, Gordon. It got the desired effect! I then moved up to Cumbria and wrote and appeared in several live performances on stage. 2012. A local artist, Kayleigh Richardson, commissioned me to write a poem for her to paint a representation. I sent her, The Rise of the Robot Monkey Army. Kayleigh painted a fantastic piece that blew my mind! From that we are collaborating on the Jacob Bear series of stories. Oh and Two's Company is to published, along with seventeen other Sci Fi short stories as part of a collection. Not a bad start to the, so called, last year of the Earth. Now is the time to show the rest of you. I take my themes wherever i see them, whether in reality or dream-world. I hope you enjoy. If not tell me why. If so tell me why. Many thanks and be safe. So far I have published: Jacob Bear's first Christmas,https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007GK872A (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007GK872A (USA) Jacob Bear Goes to School https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007JD3OKY (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JD3OKY (USA Jacob's First Words https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007VZWPSC (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VZWPSC (USA) Space Here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007H96M90 (UK) &http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007H96M90#reader_B007H96M90 The Rise of the Sponge Cake Moon https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007WWZ16M (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007WWZ16M (USA) © Madstoffa, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


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© C.p.Singleton, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Don't make me have to take the shirt off your whipped back if you break the rules! I will you know! Us writing folk work hard to make rubbish up for you to enjoy, so don't abuse or you lose! Tha's right!

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