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Flash No. lie flat

Jabber Widnes stood like a limp thought by the side of the market stall. The stench of blue cheese that spat out filled his nostrils, bringing back memories of his ex’s bedroom. He did the same thing every Wednesday and Saturday after the noon. The high stench brought her back to his empty life-box.

Some folk, who didn’t know Better -or his wife, Ginger Gang-plank- thought that Jabber was the vendor and were quite taken aback when he told them unceremoniously to “piss off and don’t bare the morses!” 

Local purchasers and the owner were used to his foreboding presence. 

Sometimes, just break the tension, Lady Gaganana would pop on by and throw tennis shorts at him. She was a cockney, so he let it pass.

Then one day a frozen carpet, called Gerald, stopped in front of Jabber and purred like an Australian.

This confused Jabber, as he was from Scuncastershire and had not bothered to learn the lingo.

After buying a book, he tried like mad to understand the carpet’s language, but failed dramatically, with a soft pipe in his mouth. He took the book, entitled, Soft Pipes and How to Make them Sing, back to the shop and had it reworded and the suspension tightened.

From that moment to the one before it he learned to forget the cheesy ex and moved to Perth, Australasia, where he bought a second-hand fox shop and lived until last Wednesday.

The moral of this story?

Sleep is good.

Blue cheese and ex’s who smell of such devilry are evil,

Lady Gaganana is from The Ephelrump and The Castle.

And sleep is good

Ciao Bella Emberg and good day. 


About Chris42

I am a liar! A maker-uper of stories! If this was the 16 (c) I'd be burned as a witch. Fank goodness it is not, eh?! I have four children: two wonderful girls, a fantastic lad and Leeds United. I have no strict genre. I write children's poetry and stories, to edgy, stronger themes. Up until now I have stored them for my own and my family's viewing. Last year i thought bugger it and starred in several short films. One, Playground, which is on the BBC Film Network, used the monologue that I wrote for the audition. You should've seen the face of the receptionist, of the Manchester hotel, where the audition was being held, as I turned up dressed as the psychopath, Gordon. It got the desired effect! I then moved up to Cumbria and wrote and appeared in several live performances on stage. 2012. A local artist, Kayleigh Richardson, commissioned me to write a poem for her to paint a representation. I sent her, The Rise of the Robot Monkey Army. Kayleigh painted a fantastic piece that blew my mind! From that we are collaborating on the Jacob Bear series of stories. Oh and Two's Company is to published, along with seventeen other Sci Fi short stories as part of a collection. Not a bad start to the, so called, last year of the Earth. Now is the time to show the rest of you. I take my themes wherever i see them, whether in reality or dream-world. I hope you enjoy. If not tell me why. If so tell me why. Many thanks and be safe. So far I have published: Jacob Bear's first Christmas,https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007GK872A (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007GK872A (USA) Jacob Bear Goes to School https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007JD3OKY (UK) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JD3OKY (USA Jacob's First Words https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007VZWPSC (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VZWPSC (USA) Space Here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007H96M90 (UK) &http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007H96M90#reader_B007H96M90 The Rise of the Sponge Cake Moon https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007WWZ16M (UK) & http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007WWZ16M (USA) © Madstoffa, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


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© C.p.Singleton, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Don't make me have to take the shirt off your whipped back if you break the rules! I will you know! Us writing folk work hard to make rubbish up for you to enjoy, so don't abuse or you lose! Tha's right!

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